The Middle Lane Secret

If I’ve learned anything throughout my life it is this: the middle lane was made for a reason. Yes, the middle lane, outlined in yellow dashed lines with one arrow pointing right, and another pointing left. Where you may see this lane as a simple tool to make a left turn into a shopping center without the holding up traffic behind you, I see it as a tool of infinite possibilities. It has been my theory that the middle lane was developed for those who understand its secrets; and I just happen to be a middle lane whisperer.

But what I have learned from my own personal experience is this: to reveal the magical secrets of, what on the surface looks like a simple strip of asphalt, is treasonous . I once made an attempt to exemplify the true implementation of the middle lane, but the results were catastrophic to say the least.

Driving out of a parking lot with a few buddies in my car, I stopped at the stop sign at the border of the parking lot and had made mental arrangements to turn left in heavy traffic. This required crossing over two lanes, the middle lane, and into a left-directed lane; a task that for the average driver can be daunting; however, I was not an average driver, I was a middle lane user, and I intended to use that middle lane.

“Let me show you why they made the middle lane” was the statement that I offered my friends. My plan: wait for the right-directed flow of traffic to clear, then enter that middle-lane, then  finally merge into the left-directed lane when an opportunity occurred. I know what you may be thinking, “this guy is a genius”, and I agree, it was a bullet proof plan but the problem was, it wasn’t Prius proof.

“BEEEEEEEP” A wild Prius appeared behind me, angry, and most likely jealous of my brilliance (or maybe mad at the fact that I cut her off). The middle lane had failed me.

I spent many days afterwards thinking about what had gone wrong in my plan, I imagined every single detail, and could not find any deficiencies in my plan. It was this review, in which I could find no reason behind the error in my plan, that I was had been able to eliminate all possible explanations, leaving me with the most reasonable one: the middle lane was solely responsible. The middle lane had sought to teach me a lesson for telling others the secrets of the middle lane, the very secrets that I had been obligated to conceal. Lesson learned: what happens in the middle lane, stays in the middle lane.